I want to be a child again.

Isn’t it ironic that when we were young, we wanted to grow up, but now that we’re grown up, we want to be a kid again?

“If you’ve gotten a chance to choose what superpower to possess, what would it be?”

“Time travel — the ability to go back in time.”

“Why?”

“I want to do something I’ve never done before that I will not surely regret — to enjoy my childhood and to stop wishing and trying to grow up fast.”

I was once a child who wished to grow up twice my age because I thought it would be cool, enjoyable, and the best period in life. Seeing adolescents and adults back then living out their lives, carrying their tasks, and fulfilling their responsibilities seemed like a fun thing to do from my perspective as a kid. I kept on wishing to be the same age as they were but little did I know that behind those people’s smiles shown in their faces lies the exhaustion, regrets, disappointment, never-ending worries, tears, sorrows, late-night thoughts, heartbreaks, and pain brought by growing up. If only I knew how difficult growing up is, maybe I could’ve stopped dreaming about it.

When I was a kid, I wanted to grow up fast because I thought it would make me happy but as I’ve become older, I realized it only made things worse.

I’ve met a lot of people in my life before whom I’ve told that I wanted to grow up quickly. I wanted to be like them because I thought it was the purpose of life — growing up — and they told me to enjoy my youth because it only happens once, but I never listened and continued dreaming about it. Now, I’m regretting it so much.

Oh, how I miss the time I was naive and innocent. A kid who had no issues, problems, and nothing to worry about. A kid living a fun and playful life. I miss the 10-year-old me who is like a delicate flower, untouched by the harsh realities of the world, blossoming with pure joy and unbridled wonder. Oh, how I wish I stayed in my childhood.

Now, as an adolescent, I don’t want to grow up any further. I don’t want to be an adult. I’m now scared of growing up. I just want to stop time and be young forever, but I want to go back more to my childhood.

If I could have a superpower, I would choose time travel — to journey back to the past. I want to meet my 10-year-old self and tell her to keep dreaming, but never wish to grow up too quickly.

I want to tell my younger self to stop wishing for the time, days, weeks, and years to pass by quickly. To stop wishing to outgrow our old refrigerator, to stop wishing to reach the sink, to stop wishing my birthday would come sooner, to stop wishing for my mom’s clothes to fit me, to stop wishing to have a work, to stop wishing to grow taller than my parents, to stop wishing that my mom would not let me sit on her lap anymore, to stop wishing to not have bags that have cartoon characters as the designs, and to stop wishing to graduate on elementary as soon as possible because growing up is full of challenges and complexity. The world is too cruel and life is a profound journey that has more yet to unfold that is harder than you think.

I also want to tell her to enjoy being young for as long as you can, stop thinking about the future and live in the present moment, and just go out and live life. Play as much with your friends outside than playing on your gadgets. Take advantage of all that time you have as a child because that will only be the phase of life your life where you don’t have to worry about anything.

I want to be her again, my 10-year-old self. I want to be that child again who smiles genuinely even on bad days and sees the good in the world. The child who loved to play in the rain with her friends not thinking of what will happen the next day.

Maybe, in another universe, I’m still 10 years old and cherished childhood as much as I could and never wished to grow up quickly.

Now that I’m grown up, I find myself longing to be a kid again.