If you love me, love me in a way I understand.
“Just because you love me doesn’t mean I feel loved by you.”
Does your heart flutter whenever you hear my name? When you think of books, listen to my favorite artists, eat my favorite foods, watch the series and movies I’ve been talking out loud, do you ever think of me? When you’re thinking of your future and dreams ahead of you, am I still a part of it? Will you still choose to sit with me on the couch in the early mornings and share a cup of coffee? Because why do I have this feeling that you’re starting to drift away from me?
You said you love me but why can’t I feel it? Words. You’re only good at words but not at actually making me feel loved by you.
Is it wrong to long for the love I’ve always wanted to receive? Love that I can actually feel through the depths of my heart. One that’s embracing me in a rainy day making me feel warm.
I want you to love me the way I want to be loved. Perhaps it can be in the form of annotating my books, buying me a matcha drink or making me one, cooking my favorite dish, supporting me as a k-pop and k-drama girly, having study dates together, listening to my chikas or rants, watching my favorite movie and series with me, listening to my playlist especially the one I made just for you or even at least just by being there by my side proving that you love me not just with words but with actions too. But I guess you’ll remain as you are. You have your ways that I still don’t understand and one of that is loving me. Loving me in the way I don’t feel loved.
They said, “You just need to learn their love language and show them your love in a way that makes them feel loved.” Well, I did that. I learned everything about you even the smallest and simplest details about yourself. I love you with the same intensity I like the stars and moon. But did you also do that for me?
The time I spent loving you made me realize that not everyone can give the love you want and deserve. Not even your friends or the love of your life. But is it really that hard to love me in the way I want to be love? How do I say I love you and make you feel loved in a way that will push you to love me not just with words and make your heart race as mine does?
With every prologue, there’s an epilogue. In every forest, there’s a green hue. Everything that is me has a bit of you. But isn’t it unfair that I loved you the way you wanted to be loved but can’t do the same thing for me?
Maybe it’s true that loving someone in the way they want to be loved is indeed a bare minimum — a bare minimum that not everyone can give.
I just wanted to be loved the way I wanted to be loved. Is it that hard for you to do that?
