It’s easy to write “I’m proud of you” as a Facebook caption, but is it hard for you to say it in person?
smart but not smart enough to make my parents proud.
I grew up as an academic achiever.
I consistently earned high scores on exams and high grades from elementary school onward, and the people around me often praised me for how good I am academically.
My parents would shower me with gifts and lavish me with praise, which made me feel validated and touched me in profound ways.
But one day, that praise suddenly stopped.
I’ve lost track of when I last heard them say, “I’m proud of you.”
Truth to be told, they still said those words to me, but only on their Facebook caption.
I thought that excelling academically would still earn their acknowledgment, but I was mistaken.
The moment I told them that I got a high score on an exam, only to hear. “Who got the highest score?” instead of saying “I’m proud of you,” I knew something had changed.
They are no longer my parents who are proud of me no matter how big or small my achievements are.
They began comparing me to my classmates, making me feel like it was a competition that I had to win. This led me to constantly compare my scores and grades with those of my classmates, finding happiness in surpassing them and disappointment when I fell short.
Growing up as an academic achiever has brought immense pressure. Despite my best efforts, I questioned why my parents couldn’t be as proud of me as they once were. Their comparisons and high expectations seemed unattainable, leading me to doubt my abilities and constant pressure.
I even cried multiple times over my high scores and high grades even though some may say that it’s high already, because for my parents, it will never be high enough.
It’s nice to be an academic achiever but it’s just sad when my parents no longer feel proud of me because they expected it already.
I’ve always done my very best academically to the point that I’m burned out and physically and mentally exhausted hoping to make my parents proud. Despite my efforts, I never heard “I’m proud of you” from them, and I doubt I ever will.
“I’m proud of you”
Ironically, we often hear such praise from unexpected people, not from those we anticipate.
Those simple words, “I’m proud of you,” and “You’re doing great,” bring tears to my eyes because they lift a heavy burden from my shoulders.
I’ve always yearned to hear those words from my parents again.
I want them to tell me that they are proud of me through words and not just see them in a Facebook post.
I want them to hug me and tell me that I did my best and they are proud of me, but it never happened again, and because of that I forgot to give myself some credit for all the efforts I’ve made academically for the past few years that happened to always have great results.
Over time, I’ve realized that if my parents can’t be proud of me, there are others out there who are.
If they can’t be proud of me, I’ll be the one who’s going to be proud of myself instead.
For all the struggles and silent battles that I fought alone and for the school years I thought I wouldn’t survive and have great results, but I did. I’m still here despite it all, and I think I deserve to be proud of me too.
Still, I long for the validation from my parents. Hearing them say “I’m proud of you,” as they did when I was a child, would heal a part of me. It would bridge the gap between my past and present, restoring a sense of validation I’ve longed for.
Yet, I’ve come to understand that I must still recognize and celebrate my achievements and affirm my worth even if they can’t be proud of me.
I am enough as I am.
It’s draining to have parents that are never proud of you. Trying your hardest and doing everything you can for them to just tell you that it’s not enough is disheartening.
They would always put “I’m proud of you” on their Facebook caption but they can’t tell it to me directly nor I can feel it through their actions.
The captions on Facebook contradict their words and actions.
Mom, and Dad, even if you can’t read this, if you are truly proud of me, please tell me directly, not just through your Facebook captions.
I am still that academic achiever kid from elementary school who longs for your words of affirmation that I am doing great and you are both proud of me.
